14.12.2008

i have made three discoveries. the first, is that its not that Russians hate me, Russians just hate life. When I am on a bus, and the conductor glares or throws change at me, she is not specifically victimising me. She is just venting her generally bad mood. She will similarly snatch eleven roubles from the next passenger, who in return, will flash a deathly look and then shove someone. its like a vicious circle, or pay it backward. its not that foreigners are specificallytargeted, its just that being foreign is the most obvious thing to hate you for. My russian friends are also appalled by the hostility, they hate buses and the street as well. They suffer as much, or else more- because at least it surprises me.Last night i met a girl whose russian boyfriend was killed by a gang of skinheads three years ago, because he was good at playing the guitar. and of course the police did nothing.
My second discovery, is that 'native english speakers' are like gold dust here. Seriously i've become hot totty. There is the English Language Company where i have been invited, if not pressed, to visit at least twice a week, in order to sit in on classes and converse with students. I really like this place, it's as close to home as i'll get in Nizhny; with people that can speak English everywhere, flags (ok, maybe australian- but still), where everyone knows my name and offers me green tea and biscuits, and one young lady in particular, a lovely softly spoken girl with practically perfect english, who lived in England for a few years and 'dreams' of it, seems particularly taken with me. As well as offering conversational english classes, The English Language Company organises 'work and travel' schemes in the USA and Australia. They've invited meto their 'New Year' celebration on the 25th December (Russian Christmas is 7th January; but is still very overshadowed by New Year's), and i look forward to the two classes i participate in. There is the less developed group (who still speak very good english), of three boys and two girls, fashionable students maybe a couple of years older then me- who may become my door into 'young Russia' and its social life, and then the more developed group that meetson a Friday morning, four russian girls- the oldest 24, with whom i indulge all of my whimsical girliness, and marvel- that wherever you are in the world- girls have on thing in common; boys. Apart from the ELC, there is the English Club, who have rearranged their meeting times to Saturday mornings so it wont clash with my Sunday church plans. Magda came with me this week, and whispered to me in the toilet that when she arrived, she felt like a mosquito, Valentina- the administrator, greeted us with "Rachel! So nice to see you! Come sit beside me!" and then, as we left, declared, "Please come back Rachel! We like you very much!". The English Club has ten loyal members, that at least try to attend every meeting in the "English Pub" (which serves Russian food) and then some other more flippant visitors. They are organising a "Western Christmas Celebration" on the 24th December, which following Valentina's "meeting programme" (including a detailed structure for our discussion on 'Winter Memories'; which she had also phoned two days beforehand to prepare me for); we discussed from 12.15-12.30. Magda and I will give presentationson Western Christmas Traditions, we will play games, sing carols, eat, drink and be merry. The conversation, having spiralled from global warming to natural landscape and religion, inspired a few of the members to suggest that Valentina or Vlad organise an excursian to visit the Devava monastary- where there is apparently healing water. I drank a free cappochino, savoured the idea of visiting Russian country side and a miraculous monastery, and tried to be interesting. And then there is LSC, one of the most prestigious language centres in Nizhny Novgorod. Their English Teacher, an American (with a Russian wife and children), is leaving town, and desperate for a 'Native English Speaker' they contacted SFERA aboutme. On Friday night, Darina and I took a bus, turned some corners and then entered the very clean and spacious Language Centre. We were greeted by a lovely woman, with perfectly fluent english and an american accent- Tatiana, the most delightful dignified and gracious Russian lady with shining brown eyes and greying hair (whose son has been to Northern Ireland!), she has spent years working with Americans- developing her precise grasp of english. She sat down with Darina and I, complimented me on my accent, and 'english of an educated person', exclaimed about my misleading height but 'young face' and enquired about my weekly schedule. the LSC want to hire me as a professionalenglish teacher, with a salary, class and private pupils! I dont know wheter to gulp or to shout in a ridiculous fit of laughter, "only in Russia!". I am going to be a paid english teacher, in one of the most prestigious language schools in the third biggest cityin Russia! I shall begin teaching on the 6th January, and we are going to meet to discuss my salary and their teaching methods. Of course, this sort of thing is actually prohibited for an EVS volunteer, but SFERA will 'look the other way' and Darina only warned me not to tell the other volunteers. Of course she doesnt know what all the other volunteers know, that in fact, both Marianne and Gwen have paid jobs teaching french. As for my final discovery? There is nothing wrong with just wanting to be happy. It occured to me last night, when at about 12am we were sitting in Sara's kitchen, having finished the 'traditional russian meal' we prepared under the supervision of Martina's mentor, we got onto the topic of wheter vampires are hot. Maybe one year ago i would have agreed with Sara, that they are attractive, and although i stillthink that they (or at least the idea of them; with their chiseled bone structure, mysterious auras and glistening white skin aka Lestat in Queen of the Damned) are aesthetically exquisite it is only from the point of view of an artist. Now i think that vampires would just be so exhaustingly complicated. They would just sit brooding in the dark struggling with a carnal versus carnivorous desire for your body, with eternities of emotional baggage, and the prospect of amiserable immortality. What is attractive about that? whats wrong with some hopeful individual that can hold your hand in the sun shine and eat ice cream with you, and be happy? What is wrong with just wanting to be happy? And when you realise that really, wanting to be happy is just as respectable, more enlightened and even humble, then any noble struggle for meaning you realise that really, happiness is meaningful. Happiness is empowering. Loving yourself,loving everyone around you and being happy is just as worthy a goal, just as catalyctic a transformation and just as wise a destination, as well, anything. So now i just want to be happy. And i wish the bus conductors wanted to be too, instead of making everyone miserable.