14.11.08

Today after my lesson with Sergei- over the tea russians seem to enjoy finishing every meal or event with, (they dont seem to understand that i actually like to drink plain water!) we had another discussion. he is so full of knowledge. He explained that rural russia is practically non existent, and it is a change that has occured rapidly- in a matter of years. the other day he was copying casettes to dvds and stumbled across an old family video from the 90s and said that the way they dressed, the food they ate- was like something from another era, and was completely unrecognisable! and then he told me about a memory he had visiting his grandmother in her village, where it was a sort of nightly tradition for someone to stand guard, and ring a bell every hour. and then, eyes gleaming in what has been one of the greatest moments of my time so far, he explained that the beauty in russia is not like the glorious mountains or seas of Italy and the meditterainean, but in the vast plains and silence. in the lack of human presence, and that people who lived in such places had something very special in their characters. he spoke almost with a yearning, and my heart literally started aching for him, i know it sounds really stupid, but seriously, there is something so tragic in this nation; its sort of why i came. Sergei said he didnt understand why, with such a huge territory, russians pack themselves into these ugly buildings.i think its going to be as much a trial settling into city life, as into russia. i had thought that cities are places full of diversity, oppurtunity, life, noise, colour; everthing an eighteen year old is attracted to, and even though i still do, i also think that they are oppressive and confining. there is no space or freedom, even the sky seems more distant. and people stalk the streets with purpose and intent, noone danders or wanders about. Sergei's description of that freedom made my own heart pine, its like the ideal this increasingly westernised culture has forgotten, willingly; has sacrificed for bright lights and fast cars. i sat on the bus to sfera sickened by the noise and building sites everywhere, unreasonably angry at the russians around me, all wearing the same clothes and expressionless countenances. the other day i was in a cafe observing the screened music channel, and of course, it was the same unharmonic hybrid of sex and money that is taking over the world, infiltrating even Nizhny, despite all i had believed about the music of the russian soul. of course i do not begrudge Russia its economic development, which depends on globalism and of course will effect its culture.Sergei also explained that Russia was unique in that it incorporated as much of asia, as of europe. their concept of political power for example, is much more asian then european in that they will only accept a strong leader. they will never see democracy in the way we do, as they do not have the same heritage of 'urban culture' as we do in europe; historically the cities have not been independant. Political power has always been centralised in Moscow; Moscow has set a mandatory standard in everything, even language. which is why there are very few regional accents throughout Russia, despite its size.Also, apparently flats here are so expensive that generation after generation of a family can end up living in the same tiny apartment. Sergei told me that the buildings were built with the cheapest materials available sometime after the devestation of world war 2; or else by the Germans, as estates for defeated peoples or something; thats why alot of them dont even have showers! (Sergei's shower is a cubicle in his kitchen!) something like 20 million russians died during world war 2. Previously sasha had told me at the kremlin, beside a monument, that every single russian family lost someone to it. and of course the only mention russia gets during gcse history, is in something like the equivalent of a closing paragraph.And this is only the tip of the tip of the tip of the tip of the iceberg; Russia's history is tumultuous. i wonder why. Has it been cursed or blessed?p.s. you can't access youtube or google here! :O