19.11.08

after what was maybe an awkward lesson with Sergei this morning (i think his lover was there. unless he isn't gay) i met Andrea at SFERA and we went to Piano Theatre; our project; Andrea has been working there for two months. we took two buses as Piano Theatre is located outside the centre, and what a relief! to finally escape the bustle and looming buildings! before changing buses Andrea and I even went for a three minute walk into a nearby park, obviouslyby now most of the trees have shed their leaves, and the grass has all withered, and when we stopped to look out over Nizhny Novgorod from the top of this hill litter pimpled its face. but still, it was rejuvenating.and there were trees literally everywhere; these stark observing naked white trunks that spiralled upward in such a lazy grace, without slouching branches or thick barkish growths. the trees, as dense in number as the nizhny inhabitants, were all packedclosely, and yet retained a dignity of space. they all seemed to be watchful individuals preserving their room. trees here are so different from the ones at home. they seem less domestic, they aren't as decorative or something. perhaps because in thisweather they cant grow in the same green lushness or spindly prettiness, they seem more weathered. more grim. more silent. more ancient, more part of a nature that hasnt been so easily trimmed and preened by man. daily its getting colder, and im beginning to understand more about the city becasue of it. i understand now why people pack so tightly and impatiently into buses, because no one wants to wait in the cold. i understand why people hurry in the streets and sprint in front of traffic, chased by the chill. in January it is expected to drop to -30 degrees. and despite the abominable buildings everywhere, and the cars and the manmade ugliness, nature is present in theoverpowering temperature. like the breath of God. and it is so awe inspiring. tonight on the bus home, i peeked out of the window, through a hole i made in the steamy glass, and for the second time today, glimpsing cosy lights on the horizon i caught the beauty of Nizhny. The first time was after my lesson, when i stood by the bridge overlooking the Volga. this huge river that at first appeared so drab and grey and lifeless, until the stillness of it occured to me. the silence of it, despite its immensity. like a motionless tongue. like a slumbering titan that can only be stirred by some force greater then this world. after Russia, the next destination on my list- to be fulfilled at any point in my life, probably aftera string of other exotic locations, and not in the near future, is Alaska. Ive wondered why i am so obsessed with the cold, when i am a sun worshipper, i think its something to do with the vastness of it. the leagues of emptinessthat extinguish everything. and im also so curious about the calling that led whatever ancient people the eskimos were to migrate into the polar regions. there is a french film, in my top five favourite movies ever, Le Grand Bleu- or The Big Blue, written by the absolute genius that is Jean Reno- which basically explores this diver's complete obsession with the ocean. well, rather then obsession, his vulnerability to its'call', the same vulnerability and fascination that must have inspired all these myths of mermaids etc. im not 'at one' with the ocean or anything, but to a degree i understand that tug. the almost transfixing lament of a bue dream that permeates through the water, making you sway in the tide; tempting you to dive under and never resurface, to climb deeper and deeper into the black. so surely there is some magic in the elements, some alluring promise that we continuallymigrate in search of, leading some peoples even to the top of the world. maybe i just unconsciously indoctrinated myself when i was a child, with White Fang and Frankenstein, but ive caught the whiff. the instinctive spiritual desire to be at one with something bigger then myself, that finally can be materialised, and isnt limited to scriptures or prayars or church sermons, because it surrounds us.anyway, finally i arrived at Piano Theatre! what is basically a dressing room and performance area in a school for deaf children. and before i go on to describe Piano, i need to relate one really quite surreal experience before i forget it. on the way back to sfera from our day's work, Andrea and I were standing at this bus stop. Now, the school is situated in what is basically a forest with a road through it, with a spar-ish thing about forty yards away that maybe leads tosome small hoky settlement, but apart from that, its in a relatively obscure location. a complete change of scenery from the heart of nizhny where i have spent most of my days so far. at the bus stop however, there were probably about fifteen people waiting. We stood talking, and suddenly i noticed that a group of four young teenagers were staring at us- making very animated expressions with their faces, so that it was quite obvious. Iasked Andrea if she knew them, she of course was too unsure to turn around, and suddenly in a flash, these kids started speaking with their hands. obviously i have seen sign language before, but never in such fluency, i havenever fully witnessed a complete conversation between deaf people. and far from being disabled they seemed to communicate with the same vivacity and variety that we use verbally. their motions were so quick, and precise, so naturalit just seemed like another language. four boys joined them, lounging on one another with the same bravado of any teenager. it was as though i was suddenly among what seemed for a moment like this whole new race of people, and surrounded by these mystical trees, like i had literally stepped through some portal. obviously i dont think they are a new breed of people, but i have never witnessed that type of development before. a whole new method of communication! it was startlingly fascinating, and i gasped! in the end Andrea realised that they knew her from Piano Theatre, which is why they had been gawking, and i think, maybe being quite mean about us! As for Piano Theatre? we were greeted by Vladimir, a charismatic and enthusiastic 'actor'. he is one of those people that is effortlessly disarming, and who's energy constantly flows outward, interacting with his environment, sharinghis thoughts. my first impression was that he spoke fluent english, although as the morning progressed i realised he did not, but his general ability to communicate over compensates. he seems perhaps a bit eccentric, but i know that he will be among the best people i will ever meet. he still seems so optimistic and generally just happy, despite Piano's constant struggle. They rely on sponsourship, andhave no idea what ups or downs tomorrow brings. gradually they have built a reputation, having toured Russia and some european countries- a documentary is going to be made about them, but 'bureaucrats' who will happily finance dance or acting, are not so convinced when it comes to pantomime. both him and his wife, Martina- who only speaks Russian and a bit of German, appeared haggard when i really looked at them. from fighting nail and toothfor what has not been a very financially rewarding dream. and what a humble dream! to help deaf children express themselves. we spent the day dusting and vacuming. Andrea has explaind that there can be very little to do, she is currently involved in trying to form Austrian contacts, and i am supposed to do the same for Britain. They have a dog called Pasha, a floppy eared cocker spaniel that is brown and white. and absolutely lovely. animals always save the day, they always break the ice, because like children, they are the same all over the world. and Vladimirshowed me the tricks he can do, which are properly astonishing! He has trained him to roll, bark, sit, walk between his legs, and do all these other things in a little routine! Vladimir is a truely talented! at around 2pm his sonarrived, a mid/late twenty year old that is very attractive and now involved in the buisness. in fact, it is a family buisness- their children have all been recruited, testifying to the sincerity and again talent of their parents!i think these people are going to be really special, and even if i only perceive from a distance, it will still have been a blessing to even just watch. and tonight when i got home, someone let fireworks off in the square outside my window. and now i am supposed to learn the russian numbers Sergei gave me for homework. but cannot be bothered