15.11.08

"Rhythm Is A Dancer..." came onto the radio on the bus this morning (spent the night with Marie-Ann and Kasia) i grinned all the way home. like an ejit.
In the evening we went to the ballet, sat beside this old matriachal woman, who kept staring and smiling at me. eventually saying something to which i replied, 'ya nye panemayu pas ruskee'. with a delighted flashing of her eyes she turned to a granddaughter? beside her to translate, asking with a genuine interest where i was from, what i was doing in russia, about my family; she seemed particularly interested in my family, and eventually told me i was very beautiful. it is so encouraging to meet these people, that embrace you and take you under your wing, like a sort of substitute fifteen minute grandmother that reinforces the natural structure of things, so you sit there suspended in this feeling of wellness; content of your place in the world. i was glad to be sitting beside her. and during the break, when gwen and kasia went to the toilets to smoke, our english conversation meant of course, a lot of attention; a twelve year old went so far as to approach us and ask were we where from and if we liked russia. the ballet seems to be a sort of social event here, it is so cheap that it seems to have just been absorbed into the environment. there is even a free coat-hanging system. of course the ballet itself was a feat of human art, but at one point i was watching a ballerina's shadow and noticed thatwithout the make up and colourful totos they are dancing skeletons. and to be honest, i found the music much more enthralling then the dance. there was too much frill and showmanship, a whole scene devoted to court amusements, but about two minutes to the actual good vs evil battle and meeting of sleeping beauty and her prince charming. it was skill rather then expression or communication. as much as i dont want to admit it, i got bored, and realised that even honing your body into a paintbrush of perfected grace is still chasing the wind. and boy you can see everything in those male leggings.
after the ballet, Magda, Kasia, Gwen and I went back to Gwen's aparment (Martina is in Kazan). we, joined by the bulgarian Iskren and eventually a swedish girl Sara, had a 'meeting' in the kitchen, where we basically sat on the floor munching dried fruit and chipsk, listening to Sara, Iskren and Gwen's 'funny sex stories'. Conversation always seems to rapidly disintegrate into 'but i'm crazy and special' -_- The more time i spend with Magda the more i like her. she is 24, very independant resourceful she never speaks superfluously asks direct relevent questions and carries this game dignity, always ready to have fun. on the matroshka to Gwens, we hung onto the ceiling racks together trying not to look at the russian men staring at us, or laugh. and her eyes glitter so merrilyand mischeiviously.
russian men are really beginning to appall me. probably for no reason. i keep catching myself muttering 'i hate russian men' under my breathe everytime i am in public places. but seriously, they are so spoilt and ignorant! you have these beautiful women flaunting themselves for the sake of lazy arrogant smelly men. we saw a couple walking the other day, this vodka swigging imbicile with his arm around another head to toe groomed (as they always are) girl. i know that this is such a generalisation, and to be honest i have met some really decent russian men, i was walked to the bus stop by another Sasha who made so much effort to communicate with me, and came into the room where i was sitting at SFERA to stand in front of me in an awkward but endearing 'privet', and everyone keeps talking about how respectfully they treat old women. my teacher and Sveta's son are both so nice. but in the street or on the bus they just seem to impose themselves on you, and are so overbearing. maybe im paranoid that they're all skinheads or in the mafia. maybe i just do innately hate men.
anyway, this austrian boy, from the first party, arrived later on with his friend, a south korean; Serhan. we played truth or dare and then hide and seek in the dark. at about three am we dispersed, i went with Sara to stay at hers, because her flatemates Geraldine and Kata are in Kazan, Magda went with Kasia, and Serhan and Hannes came with us. we stayed up talking for probably about an hour, the boys told me i had 'broken their ideas' of Northen Ireland, which they had associated with aggression and violence- i hadnt realised that 'the troubles' are so widely known, throughout europe and even the world. Serhan, who has been here for about six months so far, described how Russians can be very negative toward koreans, and Hannes told us he knew russians that had been beaten to a pulp by skin heads. they study at nizhny novgorod linguistic faculty, which apparently is the third best in russia.